Flattery, Aka No Time for That

Categories:Politics, Society
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Marija Belić Bibin

Why do we have a need to compare ourselves with others? Why do we have the need to get recognition from others? Why the need to seek adulation from others for these reasons?
What even is flattery? The art of adjusting the opinions of others to our own needs. Cultural flattery better explains this as an inner inferiority complex which leads us to reject the person we are, considering ourselves of lower value compared with others. What for?
Who even convinced us we are not good enough? Where did such a strong belief that others are better and they are judging us come from? Why do we leave ourselves to the mercy and cruelty of others? Why are we not our own, but someone else’s? There is no happiness there.
There is no happiness there, not because we are not good enough for others, but because we are not important to others. Their reaction to us is really just their answer to themselves. Convincing themselves that they are better than the other person they too are comparing themselves to. Because, the same person you are seeking adulation from is comparing himself to you just as you are asking for their approval. Don’t seek answers from others, they don’t have any. They don’t have any because they don’t even have an answer for themselves, let alone you. Don’t waste time convincing anybody of who you are or aren’t, of what you feel, because they cannot feel what you feel. Once again, this isn’t because they don’t want to, but because everybody is already fighting their own battles. Everyone’s view is already flooded with images of themselves and they aren’t able to see others. To really see them! Every person will look at your problem through their own eyes, their own vision of what they are feeling; they won’t be able to give an answer for YOUR problem. They don’t have it. Simply, nobody else has our answers. This is why it is absurd to compare yourself with them, why it is absurd to seek recognition, why it is absurd to seek flattery.
Are you expecting a prize if you convince someone that who you are is good? What kind of prize? Recognition? Money? A favour? Do you really believe that you cannot achieve what you started without the favours of others? Without the attention or love of others? How are you to gain the love of others, when you do not love yourself? How are you to dazzle others, when you are suffocating and hiding yourself, not seeing or knowing what is dazzling about you? How do I show my beauty to the world, if I myself do not know where it lies? Firstly, I have to find myself and that is not easy. There are too many constraints within us which we need to release ourselves from instead of wasting our time convincing others to convince us that beauty lies behind those constraints.
I don’t have the time for it, don’t hold it against me. It’s not about you, it’s about me. I am fighting the same battles as the whole world around me. And I don’t have the intention of wasting the precious time of others equally as much as I first and foremost don’t have the intention of wasting my own time tilting at windmills. And that is why I have all the time of this world for the love I can recognize, without exception, in the eyes of any child, grown man, or elderly person. But I don’t have the time for lies when I see them in the eyes of others, not because I despise them. No, not anymore. I don’t despise lies and dishonesty, because I understand what troubles and struggles are hiding behind them – battles with inner demons. I don’t despise them, I just don’t have anything to look for in others’ battles, nor do I have time to spare.
Life is short. I have seen it in the eyes of the old, this awareness that life is just a spark on a New Year’s sparkler, which goes out right when you begin to relax and enjoy its dance. Their eyes showed me, without words, how short life is, what a mystery it is, over which there is no need to waste so much worry and so much time on the approval of others, flattery. Let the sparkler flicker and do not be afraid of the sparks, allow yourself to relax as soon as possible, so that the joy and beauty lasts for just a blink or two longer. It’s too short to stare at others, or to distract others’ attention from their own sparkler, just to convince me how beautifully my own flickers.
I don’t have the time, so don’t hold it against me!

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